How to answer the intake questions
Guide 4 min read Updated
Quick answer
Date to Marry asks five life-architecture questions when you join — children and when, how much shared faith matters, whether you would relocate, your marriage timeline, and how you would run household money — plus written prompts about parenting, money and what an ordinary evening looks like. Several of the five are absolute rules rather than preferences, which means the flattering answer does not widen your pool. It fills it with people who want a different life.
Key takeaways
- Answer as it is true, not as it sounds. Several answers are absolute and cannot be outweighed by a good score elsewhere.
- A softened answer does not get you more matches. It gets you more of the wrong ones, and you find out in month eight.
- There is an honest middle on three of the five. Uncertainty is a real answer and is treated as compatible with more, not less.
- We never ask what you earn. The money question is about how a household would run, not about a number.
The intake takes about eight minutes, and it is the highest-leverage eight minutes you will spend here. Everything the matching does afterwards is downstream of it, and it cannot be better than the answers it is given.
The instinct on any dating product is to answer in the way that maximises your options. That instinct is right nearly everywhere and wrong here, for a specific mechanical reason: several of these answers are checked before any compatibility score is calculated, and nothing can outweigh them. Softening one does not open a door. It routes you to people who want a different life, and you will spend real months finding that out.
The five questions
-
Children — and when
Within the next year · in two to three years · open, but not certain · no.
The one answer no amount of knowing each other resolves. It is an absolute: someone who does not want children and someone who wants them within a year cannot both get the life they described. "Open, but not certain" is a genuine answer and is compatible with everything — it is an honest maybe rather than a shrug, and it is not treated as one.
-
Faith, and how much of it
Essential, must share my faith · very important but flexible · respectful of all beliefs · faith is personal to me.
The question is the weight, not the label. "Essential" is treated as essential and applied in both directions, so answer it as it is true for you rather than as it sounds. If your faith is the frame your marriage sits in, saying "very important but flexible" will get you introduced to people who cannot give you that.
-
Where the life happens
Yes, for the right person · within my region only · no, I am rooted here · currently exploring.
Two people who are both rooted, far enough apart that one would have to move, are not a match however well the rest reads. This is the question people most often answer aspirationally — say what you would actually do, not what you would like to be the sort of person who does.
-
The timeline
Six months to a year · one to two years · two to three years · three or more.
Wanting the same thing at different speeds is among the most common ways a serious relationship quietly fails, and it usually surfaces around month eight. Answer with your real intention. A longer timeline is not a worse answer; a false one is.
-
Money, in a household
Fully joint, one pot · joint for shared, separate otherwise · mostly separate with shared goals · open to discussing together.
Not what you earn — we never ask that and there is no income field. How you would run a home together. It is asked because money is a leading cause of divorce and almost nobody raises it on date three.
Then the written prompts
After the five come prompts you answer in your own words: parenting philosophy, financial partnership, what an ordinary evening looks like to you, and what you need from the people closest to you when life is hard.
The evening one is worth more than it looks. Two people can both say they want a family and mean completely different houses, and the difference almost never shows up in a dropdown. It shows up in what somebody describes when asked what a Tuesday looks like.
Write these badly rather than not at all, and write them the way you would say them. A polished answer describes the person you would like to be introduced as; a plain one describes the person who will be at the table.
One thing worth knowing before you start
Answering honestly will sometimes mean waiting. In cities where few members have joined, a precise set of answers can mean nothing comes for a while — and we would rather that than send you somebody who wants a different life. That reasoning is set out in full in why we would rather send you no one.
Frequently asked
What questions does Date to Marry ask when you join?
Five life-architecture questions — children and when, how much shared faith matters, whether you would relocate, your marriage timeline, and how you would run household money — plus written prompts on parenting philosophy, financial partnership, what an ordinary evening looks like to you, and what you need from someone when life is hard. Identity verification takes about two more minutes.
Should I give the answer that gets me more matches?
It will, and it is the single most expensive mistake available to you here. Several of these answers are absolute rules, so a softened one does not widen your pool — it fills it with people who want a different life. The matching is only as good as the honesty it is given.
What if I genuinely do not know yet?
Several questions have an honest middle: "open, but not certain" on children, "currently exploring" on relocating, "open to discussing together" on money. Those are real answers and they are treated as compatible with more than a firm one is. Uncertainty is not the same as being unserious.
